The Season of Keeping Watch
For what am I keeping vigil?
This present life,
what i have been given —
benefits of place and friendship and resources.
The-Grand-What-Is keeps me on watch.
I keep thinking it should be more complicated — require a new degree, a fresh look, an upending fruit-basket turnover, a dilemma with the dogs or a curiosity about why I might do what I might do and if I am meant to venture forth with a new purpose in a new city and new everything. What would that accomplish?
I have been given this home. I have been given these dogs. I have been given the presence of mind to stay afloat. I have been given a love of tree and sky and water and the words of our language, how they can mirror my spirit just by getting together in the right order to say what I mean.
I hold vigil for that which is right in front of me
but that is still too close to see.
I hold vigil for the thrum of my heart
and the weariness of my eyes
and the hum in my head.
I have no more than this
and must wake every moment
to this timed life
that hurts and repairs
and hurts and repairs,
rejuvenation its superpower.
And here I am,
a consciousness aware of that
and keeping vigil
for all that is right in front of me.
Inspired by my current participation in Jan Richardson’s Advent Retreat, Illuminated Journey into the Heart (2022)